Sad to say, I’ve to go.

Leaving is always a good way for closing the old doors and opening new doors to new hopes and opportunities.

Decided to leave jellybeenie (the name I created since I was 15. It’s been almost a good 10 years), going on a new space.

Less messy content, less random rants….


More structured. Working on being a better writer and growing my passion.

It’ll be a whole different line up compared to this really personal blog. I scare myself sometimes, boring you guys out.


so here we go once again, new bookmark!


🙂 cya there!


High hopes

But I’ve got high hopes, it takes me back to when we started
High hopes, when you let it go, go out and start again
High hopes, when it all comes to an end
But the world keeps spinning around


Kodaline, High Hopes, speak too much about my life trials and secrets.

Being brought up in a convent all-girls school for 11 years has taught me how hopeful I can be for myself and for the world. Life lessons about how there are bad people out there, but also many nice people around. There is always hope placed in everything and anything. I am always a hopeful child.

Some call it, naive. Others, just call it high hopes or in my own world.

Don’t take negativity in that. I learn life the hard way now but it’s all worth it. I am still enjoying the life lessons through experience but definitely remaining hopeful. As always.

Whenever failure happens, don’t let it bring you down. Instead, be hopeful for the better things that might happen after. There are always infinite possibilities, don’t rule out success as one of it.




it’s been a long long week and finally it’s a brand new week again. well, last week wasn’t like any other week. it was the start of another phase of my life where i try to juggle work and family together and itchy butt me decided to include fitness goals too. yesterday after my metcon sesh, my body finally surrendered and pulled out the white flag. but i must say, i felt really accomplished 🙂

everyday has been babysitting cody + protecting my family, besides that i try to make appointments for work here and there and visiting grandpa was most memorable this week; he held my hand really tight and he responded with little signs when i spoke to him. he even looked at me when the nurse was changing his tubes and i was peeping at the corner of the curtains. my grandpa’s a fighter and the doctor is amazed how he managed to pull through. i’m so proud of him and i hope he hurry gain conscious so i can tell him my jokes and tell him how handsome he is like old times…

another great achievement, i started my first conditioning class 2 weeks ago and managed to conquer another sesh of extreme conditioning. it was sure extreme for my 60-year-old body… but i felt so good and determined to conquer even more. y0u know this nervousness i always get before a fitness training, because i know what to expect. because i am anticipating that i will reach the peak point where i will start thinking “i feel like dying and why the hell am i here…..” and hence it gets me really nervous and butterflies all in my tummy. but there is so much more inside me that pushes me to go for it despite all that. i don’t know what is it yet, but one day i will know. i always manage to push myself to go for it despite knowing i feel like death half way through the sesh.

and one more exciting achievement i always wanted to do in my life – MMA!!!

i have been watching UFC and all the ONE championship fights. well, i never ever thought i would ever try this sport out. i’m a ball team player, don’t think i am a combat sports player but i decided to give it a try. MMA class last friday was wrestling and daymnnnn at the beginning i was so angry when we had to do plank jumps because of my stupid long nails, they almost pierce into my palms and i was about to throw a girl-tantrum. however as we progressed further in the class, learnt how to break fall (which i never learnt in rugby cos i always throw my body loosely on the field without thinking) and it was quite interesting. the best part was the last part when we learn how to take down our partners. i was the only female in the class, partnering W, well he did give me easy way down and the coach realized he was just giving it to me easy (and i thought i genuinely took him down myself -.-) and on my part i was resisting his attack pretty well with my thunderous thighs. so when he put up a stronger defence, i was super satisfied when i managed to take him down with my own strength and whatever technique i learnt. *tick off my life list* so accomplished!

W did well too. he swing me down and when i was being carried off, i loved it when my hair was swinging in the air. that’s a kiddo moment when i felt i was spinning in one of the playground toys. next morning, woke up with crazy body aches and soreness of my ribs. lovin’ the soreness because i know i’m bringing my body to the next level.

i have new personal fitness goals. not gonna say exactly what but i’m definitely working on it 🙂

life has been taking a toil on me for 8 years. however, i have been avoiding it or rather, trying to escape and ignore. now that i am 24, i find it coming back again. there is no way i can escape from it and i should really face it like an adult now. i must say, it is really really very very taxing and hard on me. i don’t know how to cope and handle, i don’t know how i should react but i must say i am very blessed with having very nice people around me who gives me great support and encouragement. i don’t think i can remain this strong or even be stronger than who i was without such great people around me. my loved ones, friends and support from colleagues. i am more than thankful.

it is because of such support, that can help anyone in times of hardship to go further and hang in there a little longer.