Life after 21

With so much going on recently, I’ve suddenly decided to be lazy with my brain for today – I refuse to write, think or do anything that requires to move my brain. (only to keep it for now)

I know it doesn’t sound productive as a human being but trust me, when you do get tired, you will thank me for teaching you such an action that requires no thinking at all.

At the age of 22, I didn’t think I will have to think of the future or make any plans for my career. I was curious then, (when I was 15) wondering how life would be like after you hit your big 21. I finally know why people have huge birthdays for 21st – To celebrate your fun-filled (senseless, take-no-responsibilities) days you had and to welcome your life to greater commitments, responsibilities and no-more-little-girl-fun.

To choose whether to grow up or stay below 21, I would choose the latter. It’s nice having to grow up and take ownership of your life but when you get lost and confused and have no stepping stone to help you grow, it’s really no fun.

I can sit here on my desk the whole day just trying to figure out a plan for my future after studies. Get married – yes but money drop from the sky? Dream job – yes but is passion enough to help you earn a living and build a family? Buy house – yes but do you have enough money to fund your house? Don’t even talk about buying nice furnitures and good renovations…. Or even have kids!??!!

Sometimes, I feel like a kid now. Wondering how some manager or CEO make it big, how some people can afford to buy nice big houses in Sentosa Cove, how people can enjoy luxurious life with luxurious house and drive a luxury car. It was still nice to imagine when I was younger (“when I grow up… I want to have this, be this, have that…) , but now it’s all plain envy and a sense of failure in my life, not knowing where to start.

People have to start somewhere and beginnings are always the toughest phase in success. All famous productions and figure have their piece of story to share. Those are the people who found their miracle, their light of hope… I’m waiting for my miracle; It doesn’t have to be money or any form of material. A thinking lightbulb for my thoughts will be good – Like an answer for all my doubts or just an opportunity/ hope to get me out of my dark tunnel. I do believe in God, but God will not help you if you don’t help yourself. Money and dream houses are never going to drop from the sky! *repeats in my head*

You will hear me shout from the mountain top when I find a solution to my ambitious future… Now, I may sound like a lost kid. But in time to come, I prefer to surprise the world (; Haha. Another ambitious big talk from the small me. Heh heh heh.

Just another fiesty news that caught my attention recently, it involves the church I used to attend and a pastor I trusted. It was a place I learnt the way of life and many other things which my age would not have taught me then. It was a place I pour my sorrows, tell my secrets in my prayers and share my happiest too. It’s sad to hear such news, but I do not wish to comment on anything.

I happen to read some weird comments online regarding how this event has affected people’s faith and belief in God. I would like to ask, despite such disappointing news (not judging if it’s true or not),  in what way can it affect your faith/walk with God? Just because a pastor of your church has failed you, does that mean God failed you or betrayed you? Pastors are human-beings. Human beings can sin. If they have done something wrong, only God knows and they will definitely be punished for it . Well, everything will come to light. If it is true that under such circumstances you are able to lose your faith, I think you have been going to church for the wrong reason and you have been worshipping human (pastor) instead of God.

I’ve stopped going to church for a long time due to many reasons but it doesn’t mean I’ve stopped believing. Must I go to church just to pray or talk to God? Ney…. I do have random brain-talks with God sometimes. Like when I’m sad, “God, I’m sad today because….. Help me put a smile on my face?” or when I’m happy, sometimes I think “Thank you God! Yay, this is the best present in my life!” or for many times, I always thank God for putting an angel in my life to see me through my good and bad times (a very patient, tolerant handsome charming angel). Hehe.

I mean, I’m not like anti-church or anything. If I have the time, I will go. But I really don’t like it when ‘religion’ is the factor that breaks people apart. Being Christian/Catholic/Buddhist/Taoist… isn’t wrong. God shouldn’t be a Religion. I’ve listened and watched the shows from Buddhist’s films and yes, I agree with their teaching and I like their teaching. They teach the way of life, how you should live your life if not you will face consequences in life. It doesn’t mean I’m Buddhist when I agree with their teaching. Even the Koran is the same as the bible. Everyone has a common mindset when they practice their religion – “There is a God”. I would prefer a world who don’t differentiate people by their religion.

At the end of the day, we are all ONE human race.

 Alright, thoughts after midnight kills my sleep sometimes. Goodnight, earthlings!

Thanks for listening to my rants which might/might not make sense to you. You might agree or disagree with what I said but these are just my personal opinions. Sorry if any of my words may offend you. I’m finally sleepy, time for 2 pages of MockingJay before I sleep.


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